[death]

In the past year, there have been many times where I thought I was going to die soon,
either because of anxiety of because of suicidal ideations
You know, I'm afraid what's keeping me alive is not the things I have, but the things I don't have.
I always feel like I'm not enough, replaceable, worthless. 
"I can't die yet, I haven't done "x"! I havent made enough memories, etc."
Because honstly, there isn't a lot in life I enjoy anymore

I could talk about this a lot, but really I don't want to right now

One way to summarize, that I lack that "something" other people have.
Something that makes them interesting, that gives them originality.

I feel like some people are dishonest with everyone and themselves without realizing it.
sidenote that is sometimes used to manipulate people "you KNOW you actually feel like THIS(the way I want you to think) but you can't admit it!"
ah, whatever

[wrong]
speaking of wrong, do you feel like you constantly make mistakes all the time?
Well, right now I'm a little more confident.

Here's a cool song, Opening 1 of the anime ruroini kenshin:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4JUZhF9Kx8

You know what really matters to me?
A few songs, games, animations. Mostly things from my past that I keep replaying over and over, as well as some other things, lying in my room
I don't care about the outside, I don't care about people

I can only tolerate communicating with a few like minded internet individuals in an indirect way like this
And you know, I sometimes come across a website or a comment or post that I connect with, and that meant alot to me,
I guess thats one of the reasons why doing this

[Hello]
...
I don't have a lot to say, I guess.
I don't ever talk to anyone
eeeeeehehhehhhhh

FUCK

Well, I'll just tell you whats going on.
I'm working on a game and on music. Theres a lot to say about that.
yeas.
I don't think I want to post it until it's "finished" though

By the way. I need to remember something, 
this website is not supposed to have a consistent theme. That way I cant get stuck on something wrong